Navigating the world of freelancing is not easy, regardless of the industry you are in, and trust me I have been in a few. And when you don’t have someone tagging along your journey, and sharing your ups and downs, the whole experience can become quite isolating.
In recent years, I have worked with many clients who were a match made in heaven and others who were not the right fit for me. Learning to navigate the challenges of life on the personal and professional levels, while maintaining a healthy work-life balance requires effort, consistency, and being intentional about the process.
That is how I realized that developing coping strategies to properly deal with whatever life throws at me and ultimately with toxic relationships, is one of the best methods that will give me an embedded compass to help me move forward while preserving my mental health. This wisdom did not come easily, nor is it unshakable, and came with its fair share of troubles.
But for me troubles equal lessons. So, without further ado, here are 5 powerful lessons I learned as a writer and a marketing consultant, that can be helpful to you as a freelancer as well, regardless of your line of work:
Prioritize your mental health: Because without it, you won’t be able to work anyway. When I was in perfect harmony with the people I was working with, I had a renewed sense of energy that was carrying me to heights of productivity I had not previously experienced. I woke up every day eager to get to work and make a difference. Everything was going smoothly and I had a great work-life balance until I started working with a client whose values and work methods did not align with my beliefs. At first, I started developing coping strategies to deal with the annoyance they were causing me, convincing myself that they were good for my portfolio. This strategy worked for some time, but after a while, their toxic vibes started to take a toll on me, even spilling onto my weekends. The creativity that I was previously experiencing was starting to drift from me to the point where I was unable to write. I lost my motivation. My assignments were taking longer than usual. Needless to say, when you work for someone who constantly makes you experience these negative emotions, you are bound to lose your drive, despite your efforts. To counter this, I tried to spend as much time as possible with people who made me feel valued and seen. I also spent my free time doing activities that pleased me and that soothed me such as meditating and exercising.
Always have a backup plan: The job was emotionally and mentally demanding and because I was so focused on coming up with new methods to better cope with the internal turmoil that these toxic clients were causing me, it was taking my time off away from me. I could not think clearly about anything else nor plan properly, because I was constantly on the lookout for the possible outcomes they were expecting. All my focus and energy were going towards finding new ways to contain them and not allow them to take over my whole life, which greatly backfired. When working with people who are not upfront about their expectations, a lot of mind games go into guessing what they want, which is unproductive. And that is when it hit me: this job was sucking the life out of me. After many trials, I realized that this client cannot be “contained” nor confined to office hours because their toxicity was spilling all over and it was NOT worth it. I later realized that no job, no matter how well-paid, should make us feel that way. So while trying to hang on, I was planning my escape strategy to better horizons, fully aware this time of what I did and did not want in my next working relationship.
Find your support network: And realize that it is actually about them and not about you! When people treat you badly, more often than not, it is a reflection of the internal turmoil they are facing. Although you become aware that there is nothing personal, it does not give them the right to act this way. Therefore, relying on others for support and who can help you navigate the unique challenges that you are facing can make a tremendous difference. Your support network can help you take a step back and make better decisions by offering you invaluable advice, encouragement, and a listening ear when you have to deal with toxic relationships. Whether it's a virtual community, a local meetup group, or a trusted circle of friends and family, surrounding yourself with people who uplift and inspire you can provide the morale boost you need to persevere. Remembering that you are not alone in this journey, and sharing the burden makes it way lighter, and more bearable while having a better work-life balance.
Leave: Recognizing when a professional relationship has run its course is a skill you need to cultivate if you want to thrive as a freelancer. While perseverance is admirable, there comes a point when staying in a toxic or unfulfilling situation, even if contained, does more harm than good. Therefore, I have learned that paying attention to the warning signs, such as persistent stress, diminishing creativity, or a constant sense of dissatisfaction, can be life-saving because they are often indicators that it is time to part ways. Trusting your instincts and honoring your well-being above all else will help you avoid burnout, and even thrive in your freelancing journey. It is also important to keep in mind that walking away doesn't signify failure but rather a courageous act of self-preservation. By learning to discern when it is time to leave, you open yourself up to new opportunities and pave the way for growth and fulfillment in your professional journey. Let me tell you the latter was not an easy lesson for me to learn and it took me some time before finally embracing it!
Learn your lesson and move on: When I was finally able to stop this toxic working relationship and move on, I slowly gained my life back. Soon after, I realized that my abundance and my creativity came back. I was no longer a passive observant of the circumstances of my life but rather the main character whose active participation allowed me to have the work-life balance I was craving and a career aligned with my values and beliefs. Reflecting on that experience, I realized the importance of writing what I have learned in order not to repeat my past mistakes by noting the "do's and don'ts " of my professional relationships moving forward. Setting boundaries became a cornerstone of my approach and a non-negotiable that delineated what I was willing to tolerate and what I wouldn't. I learned to listen to my intuition and recognize the red flags that signaled a potential clash of values or a toxic dynamic in the making. I became more discerning in selecting my clients and collaborators, opting for partnerships that aligned not just with my professional goals, but with my values as well. I shifted the narrative from: “Do they want to work with me, to am I willing to work with them?” This has helped me weed out potential trouble from the beginning and move forward with intention and fewer headaches.
Final Words…
Over the last few years, I have been in many situations where I felt misaligned with my values and trouble ensued. I have learned time and time again that the best way to figure out what is right for me and what isn’t is by listening to my gut and following the values that I believe in.
When I was disconnected from myself, my body decided to take matters into its own hands by manifesting psychosomatic reactions to grab my attention. I was misaligned with my values and did not have the work-life balance I was craving and my body knew it. I had to act fast if I did not want to develop some serious stress-related illness.
The day when I finally decided to listen to my gut and choose the people I wanted to partner with, I started positively thinking about my future again. I was finally gaining my power back!
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